The year of dragon has really been roaring so far. I love my kids, I love my job. But really, there are times when I think work is devouring me just like a dragon gladly would.
I don't know why I can't work as well as my other colleagues. Why I can't produce my ERB on time like my laoda can. Why I can't produce interesting lessons. Why I feel guilty whenever I go out for coffee or a concert, thinking bout the pile of work at home. Why I feel like shit going back to work tomorrow, on a Sunday. And the next Saturday too. Oh yes and the 3 March, which coincidentally lands on a Saturday.
I really really like my work. Especially when I know I could offer a little comfort to unsettling kids, no matter how small. When I see their eyes focus on me during lessons when I offer little nuggets of facts, no matter how trivial. When they grab my hands and stop crying, no matter how short a time.
I just feel… maybe I am just really not up to it. And this sucks.
3 comments:
洪生，您行的！加油！！！
LaoEr... There are many of our colleagues who still feel they are not up to "it", whatever "it" is, after ten, twenty years in the job. Seriously, how do we measure our success? Based on the views of those who sit downstairs and know nothing about how we are as _______? Or should it be based on purely the quantitative figures regardless of the monsters we could be rearing? Deep in your heart, I am sure you know how you feel about the job and how we need good people like you here. Like what I always say my friend... Have faith. You are definitely a good teacher in my opinion.
I guess I can understand how u feel. I always get this feeling too. That although I like what I'm doing, I suck at what I'm doing. And that self doubt feeling sucks.
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